Looking to Ash Wednesday

I love the blog The Painted Prayerbook. I love the way Jan Richardson sees the lectionary readings with a fresh eye and the connections she makes with art. And I love her art. Her posting for Ash Wednesday again prompts me to think in new ways about the day.

Here is a taste:

Ash Wednesday beckons us to cross over the threshold into a season that’s all about working through the chaos to discover what is essential. The ashes that lead us into this season remind us where we have come from. They beckon us to consider what is most basic to us, what is elemental, what survives after all that is extraneous is burned away. With its images of ashes and wilderness, Lent challenges us to ponder what we have filled our lives with: habits, practices, possessions, ways of being that have accumulated, encroached, invaded, accreted, layer upon layer, becoming a pattern of chaos that threatens to insulate us and dull us to the presence of God.

You can read the rest here.

Healing Simon Peter's Mother-in-law

I have to confess that the gospel for this morning has always irritated me. Jesus heals a woman and immediately she starts waiting on the men. But over at The Painted Prayerbook Jan Richardson gave me a whole different way to read this text:

Here is an exerpt:

Here we see the domestic Jesus, the intimate Jesus. Crossing from the house of worship into the home of Simon, standing at the bed of a woman whose body has been disordered by illness, Jesus conveys with his outstretched hand that there is no sphere that he does not control, no suffering that is beneath him to heal, no place where he does not desire wholeness and peace. He makes clear that his power is present in every realm, the home no less than the synagogue. He extends his healing to all, the woman in the grip of a fever no less than the man in the clutch of an unclean spirit.

There is no place, no person, unworthy of a miracle.

Read the rest here.

Jacob and Esau

I have a particular affection for the story of Jacob and Esau and found this post by the Velveteen Rabbi moving.

Sunday at Ascension

From this morning's service

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What Wondrous Love Is This

What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this
That caused the Lord of bliss
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul,
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul!

When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down
Beneath God’s righteous frown,
Christ laid aside His crown for my soul for my soul,
Christ laid aside His crown for my soul.

To God and to the Lamb I will sing, I will sing;
To God and to the Lamb I will sing;
To God and to the Lamb,
Who is the great I AM,
While millions join the theme, I will sing, I will sing,
While millions join the theme, I will sing.

And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;
And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on.
And when from death I’m free
I’ll sing His love for me,
And through eternity I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on,
And through eternity I’ll sing on.

O Love, How Deep

O love, how deep, how broad, how high,
It fills the heart with ecstasy,
That God, the Son of God, should take
Our mortal form for mortals’ sake!

He sent no angel to our race
Of higher or of lower place,
But wore the robe of human frame
Himself, and to this lost world came.

For us baptized, for us He bore
His holy fast and hungered sore,
For us temptation sharp He knew;
For us the tempter overthrew.

For us He prayed; for us He taught;
For us His daily works He wrought;
By words and signs and actions thus
Still seeking not Himself, but us.

For us to wicked men betrayed,
Scourged, mocked, in purple robe arrayed,
He bore the shameful cross and death,
For us gave up His dying breath.

For us He rose from death again;
For us He went on high to reign;
For us He sent His Spirit here,
To guide, to strengthen, and to cheer.

To Him Whose boundless love has won
Salvation for us through His Son,
To God the Father, glory be
Both now and through eternity.

Saying goodbye to Robbie

Today most of my Lethbridge family gathered with me to scatter Robbie's ashes at the home of two of the people he really loved. They own beautiful property with a view of the coullees and the mountains. We prayed and read scripture and scattered the ashes while standing downwind (it was a typical windy Lethbridge day). It was lovely and sad and then we ate a lot and talked a lot. What a wonderful day. I am very blessed.

The view from where we scattered him - the second is later in the day with a fancy setting on my camera. That is Chief Mountain.

A reading from Romans 8

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons and daughters, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Another of God's creatures enjoying the beauty of the day.

Threshold Issues

We used to joke that Robbie had threshold issues. He was great with people (except the postal carrier) outside the house and in the house but not at the door. Even with friends he would go a little nutty barking his head off if someone stood in the doorway.

Now I have threshold issues. When I come home I pause at the door to listen for him on the other side. When I leave I turn to tell him how long I'll be. It makes comings and goings particularly difficult.

A few years ago on retreat the director talked about the parable of the prodigal son and focussed on how the father, seeing his son a long way off, runs out to greet him with an embrace and a kiss. He asked us if we knew that God, seeing us a long way off runs out to greet us. I thought of Robbie always thrilled to see me whether I had been gone a half hour or a day. After that he was always a special reminder to me of God's love.

Rainbows

After Robbie died I was driving through Bragg Creek and it had just poured. There was an incredible rainbow - a short one but really intense. In that moment I thought of God's promise to never abandon us and felt an intense moment of peace. A friend and the vet's office sent me this little story of how animals go to the rainbow bridge and I thought it was really interesting that people make this connection between animals and rainbows. Then I went to church this morning and one of the kids gave me this picture because Robbie had died. At the announcements one of the women who had walked in the Relay for Life described how an amazing rainbow came out to encourage them at one point.

I am surrounded by rainbows!

Ordered Ministry

The more I have to blog about the more overwhelmed I feel by it all and the less likely I am to do it. So I'm choosing one thing to get me started again.

A couple of Saturdays ago I went to a fundraising dinner for the United Church seminary in Saskatoon, St. Andrew's College. This isn't my seminary, nor my denomination, and if I'm honest I would say I wouldn't have gone except that we've had students from the chaplaincy go through there and the people putting the dinner on are huge supporters of the chaplaincy. So, out of a sense of communal support I paid my $100 for roast beef and a talk by Lorne Calvert. I knew Calvert had been the NDP premier of Saskatchewan but didn't realize he had been in active ordained ministry in the United Church before entering politics. And lets be really honest here, I was expecting the same old social gospel/United church/NDP message I've heard many times before. Don't get me wrong - this is a message that has shaped me profoundly and I find it a bit like comfort food, warm and nourishing, if not exciting.

It was a surprising delight when I heard one of the most encouraging articulations of the place of ordered ministry (he began by saying he didn't know what to call it since the United church has all sorts of different forms of ministry - licenced lay, ordained, diaconal.... - but he was talking about the person 'up there' who everyone knows is the 'minister'). He used three passages of scripture for his talk:

Isaiah 52:7 - how beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news

Romans 10:14-15 - How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? 15And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

Mark 2:1-10 - A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."
Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, "Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?"

Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, "Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . ." He said to the paralytic, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"


He started by suggesting that the church has so emphasized the ministry of the many that they haven't articulated an understanding of the ministry of the few. He pointed out that Paul certainly understood the many gifts of the entire body of Christ but that Paul also understood the role of some who are set aside for particular ministry. The heart of that ministry Calvert understands to be being the servant of the servants of God.

He said people working in the world have multiple portals to the world. He described how he has multiple sources of information/advice as a politician and suggested that this isn't that unusual. He went on to say though that he doesn't have many portals to the holy. The image he used was of the four men who carry the paralytic to Jesus and have to create an opening in the roof through which they can lower the man to Jesus. This is what he suggests ordered ministers do: we create openings to allow people to encounter the holy that they seek. He went on to talk of the ways in which the proclamation of the word and the administration of the sacraments are critical is allowing people to encounter God. And he told us that we should never underestimate the value of what we do on a Sunday morning. Take the eight hours to write a sermon, take the time to work with the music team, because that may be the one place in a person's week where he or she will become aware of the holy.

It was a really encouraging talk and I wish more clergy had heard it.

Christ is Risen!

In the letters Paul wrote, there are fifty-three references to the resurrection of Jesus. The resurrection of Jesus is the even that sets and keeps in motion the entire gospel enterprise. Most of these resurrection texts assert either the centrality of Jesus' resurrection or the certainty of our final resurrection from the dead, or both. But six of these resurrection citations explicitly identify our present and ongoing spiritual formation with Jesus' resurrection (see Romans 6:4; 8:11; Ephesians 2:6; Philippians 3:10; Colossians 2:12; 3:1). In other words, this is not a future resurrection but a present resurrection -- which is what we're interested in right now.

Clearly, Paul's witness is that resurrection is not only a doctrinal/historical truth to be believed about Jesus, and not only a doctrinal/eschatological truth to be believed about our final destiny, but also the focus for our spiritual formation -- formation-by-resurrection.

From Eugene Peterson's Living the Resurrection, p. 102

A Year of Living Biblically

One of the things I did while on retreat this week was finish A.J. Jacobs' book A Year of Living Biblically. I really enjoyed it but thought the publisher had a weird idea of how to categorize it. The book is listed as a humour book but while there are humourous things in it it isn't really a yuk yuk book. Instead it is really a lovely exploration of what happens when you begin to try to shape your life based on a literal reading of the Bible.

Jacobs expects to find that it is impossible to take the Bible literally and he does. Part of what he is doing is motivated by a secular liberal assumption that Biblical fundamentalism is highly problematic and in a way that is what he ends up confirming. But what seems to surprise him is that in the process of trying to observe the commandments he finds himself changing. He finds himself becoming more thankful and less angry. He begins to feel more connected to people, more generous, more aware of the needs of others. He discovers that by acting like a believer he begins to be a believer.

I remember hearing Tony Campolo say something similar about some students who wanted to work in his project in the Projects. He told them that they had to live like the Christian students and they said no problem. He warned them that they mind be changed by the experience and they laughed it off. By the end of the summer, however, they were Christians. In a way this is confirmation of the AA saying, "fake it 'til you make it." It runs counter to our tendency to think that feeling leads action/belief/commitment.

Unchurch on Salvation

We decided this Lent to look at atonement in Unchurch and are leading up to it by looking at images of salvation in scripture. We began Monday evening by looking at Luke 15 and talking about what it is to be lost. My favourite image of Jesus is the image of the Good Shepherd - it is largely because of the story of the lost sheep that I came to faith when I was 17. So we talked about the three parables and about being lost and found. Of course we sang Amazing Grace.
I am so looking forward to this term!

(Real Live Preacher got me hooked on the wonderful clipart of Steve Erspamer and I recently purchased the three volumes of clipart for the lectionary. For reasons I don't understand only years A and C had accompanying cds so don't expect to see images from year B).

Favourite Stories

It has been interesting reading the comments on my last post. It reminded me of the evening my roommates and I were sitting around talking about what four books of the Bible we'd take on a desert island with us (Psalms, Luke, Genesis, Corinthians [1st and 2nd - I'm cheating]). The phone rang and it was our landlady who was Jewish. We asked her what four books she'd take and she said she could live without Leviticus. Obviously if the first five books of the Bible are the most important to you then choosing four is less of a problem.

But Aaron's question remains: what stories of Jesus are your favourites?

Personal Canon

I had a prof who said we all had our own personal canon of Bible stories that we loved and that we rooted ourselves in. He had a theory about what gospels groups preferred too: liberals he said preferred Luke, Catholics Matthew, evangelicals John, Lutherans Paul, and fundamentalists Revelation.

Aaron, over at Aaron's Head, makes an interesting observation about the way in which people's favourite story of Jesus says something about who they are. My favourite stories are the prodigal parables from Luke's gospel. Part of the reason they resonate so deeply with me is that these were the stories my grandma told me over and over again when I was little. Part of it is because the story of the lost sheep came alive for me in my conversion when I was seventeen. Part of it is because I had a confessor who read me the story of the prodigal daughter once. I have known what it is like to be lost. I have known what it is to have been found. I have known what it is like to wait hopefully for the lost to return. I have known what it is like to go searching for the lost. And I've known what it is to be the resentful older brother. If I had only this chapter and the story of the disciples on the road to Emmaus I think I'd have the heart of the gospel.

I know that it is important to teach people to read Scripture critically (in the proper sense of that word and not the negative sense), but I like what Aaron asked his study because I don't know if we encourage people to read with love enough in mainline churches. I think I'm going to ask the folks in our bible study the same question to see what they say.

Biblical Translations

At Unchurch last week we were looking at the covenant between God and Abraham. We were talking about the promise of children made to Abraham which reminded me of one of those funny moments in church.

We use the Good News Bible in our church. I often don't like the translation and the 18th chapter of Genesis is a good example. One Sunday, when the first reading was Gen. 18, one of the women, a middle-aged woman, got up to read. The Good News bible reads this way:

Abraham and Sarah were very old, and Sarah had stopped having her monthly periods. So Sarah laughed to herself and said, "Now that I am old and worn out, can I still enjoy sex? And besides, my husband is old too."

As she was returning to her pew she looked at me and rolled her eyes. I had a hard time containing my laughter. But there was more. After the service she opened the door into the hall, forgetting that all the Sunday School kids would be there, and says loudly, "I'm sorry, but you are never too old to enjoy sex!"

Unchurch Week 5

Tonight our theme for Unchurch was the Tree of Life. It was a great evening. Sleeping Monday night is always a challenge! I've had a passion for the image of the Tree of Life for years. I've painted, drawn and created umpteen versions in all sorts of different media. So I was very excited to talk about it with them.

We looked at the passages in Genesis, Proverbs and Revelation concerning the Tree of Life and then some of the other 'tree' passages. In the Middle Ages the cross was interpreted as the tree of life (picking up on some of the Acts, Galatians, and 1 Peter passages that talk about Jesus dying on a tree). Legends developed about how Seth put a seed from the Tree of Life in the Adam's mouth as he lay dying. From Adam another tree grew and the wood from it eventually was used for the cross. A further legend said that the wood of the cross burst into leaves and flowers when Jesus was nailed to it. Now I understand why there are crucifixions in which the cross looks like it is made of branches or actually looks like a tree. Another variation on the tree image in the middle ages were Jesse trees. Based on the Isaiah passage about a shoot coming forth from the stump of Jesse, a Jesse tree is a picture of a dead or reclining Jesse with a tree growing out of him. At the crown of the tree is Mary holding an infant Jesus.

I love the way the images run through the Bible playing off each other like themes in a symphony. It is so neat watching the ways in which an image like the tree of life keeps generating new insights, new representations, new appreciations for the generous vitality of the life God gives us.

I ended my meditation by asking what difference it makes that so many of the central images of God and our relationship with Him are organic. We ended up talking about the devastation of the forests in BC by beetle infestation, Eugene Peterson's take on the poetry of T.S. Eliot, our experiences gardening, the possibilities of new life in the worst of devastations physical, emotional and spiritual, and a sermon by my friend Andrew on the Isaiah passage about the stump of Jesse. Afterwards we sang "Jesus Christ the Apple Tree" twice because we knew two different tunes for it.

I'm loving the ways in which people are sharing insights, praying, singing, providing food.... Our liturgy is evolving slowly into something pretty loose. We sing, read scripture, preach, talk while we eat, sing, and pray. I love it!

Jesus Christ the Apple Tree

The tree of life my soul hath seen,
Laden with fruit, and always green:
The trees of nature fruitless be
Compared with Christ the apple tree.

His beauty doth all things excel:
By faith I know, but ne’er can tell
The glory which I now can see
In Jesus Christ the apple tree.

For happiness I long have sought,
And pleasure dearly I have bought:
I missed of all; but now I see
‘Tis found in Christ the apple tree.

I’m wary with my former toil,
Here I will sit and rest awhile:
Under the shadow I will be,
Of Jesus Christ the apple tree.

This fruit doth make my soul to thrive,
It keeps my dying faith alive;
Which makes my soul in haste to be
With Jesus Christ the apple tree.

Unchurch Week 4

Tonight was Becky's turn to preach and she spoke on the story of Adam and Eve, Genesis 2-3. Beginning with Walter Brueggemann's interpretation of the story as essentially about the problem of knowledge Becky preached a very interesting sermon on the centrality of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. She's said she will send it to me so that I can post it.

The thing I love best about Unchurch is the conversation after the sermon. Tonight we started to get into all the other interpretations of Adam and Eve but Becky drew us back to the issue of knowledge and we got into a very interesting conversation about the difference between knowledge and understanding or wisdom. We talked about the way in which knowledge can change us, particularly the knowledge of evil. And we talked a lot about the relationship between intimacy and knowledge.

We are becoming a little community too. People are sharing more and seem more and more comfortable together. At the same time a friend of mine came for the first time tonight and seemed comfortable sharing despite being new. He was also included in the conversation which I thought was really neat.

I'm loving this!

Unchurch Week 3

We held our third week of Unchurch last night and I'm still stoked. Becky and I have been preaching on foundational stories, the birth of Moses, the burning bush, and last night the passover. I looked at Exodus 12 and talked about the way in which the people were called out to fulfill their vocation as the people of God. I started by looking at something Jon Levenson has written about - that the freedom given the Hebrews is not freedom as we usually think of it. It is not freedom from constraint but freedom to serve God. It is leaving the service of Pharoah who is oppressive to serve God who is loving and righteous. At the end of that chapter are instructions for how the foreigners are to be treated. There is only one Torah for Hebrew and foreigner so foreigners can participate in the passover if they first are circumcised. So the distinction between who is in the community and who is not is not racial, biological, or even based on participation in a significant event like the exodus but is rather the willingness to serve God. And it is the willingness to be a part of the community. I finished by looking at Martin Luther King's last sermon the day before he was martyred. He talked about the way in which Pharoah planted seeds of disunity among the slaves and called on African Americans to remain a community in the face of opposition and in those famous closing words he spoke of knowing that he was serving God and how he had seen the promised land.

Our discussion afterwards was incredible. My favourite element of Unchurch is the response to the word in our conversation. The starting off point was someone's objection that God would choose some and not others and that He would kill the first born of Egypt. So we had a long conversation about the problem of reading troublesome texts. And then the issue turned to who belongs to the community and who doesn't and what happens if you feel like you are the kid Jesus didn't pick to be on his team. We're getting to know each other better and people are speaking more and more personally about their struggles with faith, the church, Scripture. I don't know where this is going but I am so grateful to be a part of it. The only problem is that I can't fall asleep Monday nights anymore because my brain is going a mile a minute.

First Night of Unchurch

Well, Unchurch has been birthed and it was wonderful. We had a good group and Becky preached on the birth of Moses. The discussion centred on the issue of the women deception for a good cause and the issue of what role God had in the saving of Moses. Following the sermon there is time for discussion and most people spoke up with thoughts and response. It was a great way to begin! Round St. Cafe is a really hospitable place to meet. Can't wait until next week.

And all shall be well

This morning at Ascension was lovely. We sang some favourites, we welcomed back folks who have been away, and we welcomed visitors. I preached on traveling light (beginning with reflections on my own struggles to get rid of clutter) and how this is grounded in trust. Then I explored the relationship between trust and hope and the choices we make to be trusting and hopeful.

There is a quotation from Viktor Frankl that comes to mind now that really sums up what I was trying to say:

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

It seems to me that hope isn't so much about hoping for some particular thing (whether it be descendants or winning the lottery) but a more basic attitude of trust that God wants good for us.

I realize I could have used the well-known words of Julian of Norwich:

All shall be well,
and all shall be well,
and all manner of thing
shall be well.

The problem is that we do experience things that cause us to question God's goodness. (I've been sitting in on my friend Paul's theodicy course and thinking about this a lot lately) I spoke about the children's memorial at Yad Vashem - you enter a dark room in which the names of the 1.5 million children who died in the Shoah are read. A candle is reflected off of a thousand mirrors creating the image of the stars in the sky. My friend Paul talks about the power of the rebuke of God as the promise made to Abraham that his descendants would number like the stars in the sky is contrasted to the death of so many children under the Nazis. I talked about this in light of the readings from Genesis and Hebrews about the promise made to Abraham and his faithful response and the Jewish struggle to make sense of God's covenant post-Shoah.

Then I talked about the challenges to faith we often face in our own lives. And I talked about an attitude of hopefulness that choses to look at the reasons we have in our own experience to trust in God. (See the Buechner article below)

As I look out at these people I love so much knowing some of the things they've suffered I am so moved by their faithfulness. They are so hopeful and so gracious in the face of suffering. This is why we can't be solitary Christians. When my faith is shaken or uncertain I count on the prayer, the support, the example of these people to carry me when I'm unable to walk for myself. Father Bob Cowan, may his memory be a blessing, said to me once when he was dying that when I was praying for him I wasn't just interceding for him but I was literally praying in his place because he was unable to pray the office any more.

Being a part of this community is one of the reasons I trust in the goodness of God.

Sunday at St. Theodore's

I went out to Taber this morning to take the services at St. Theodore's and enjoyed it as I always do. They are a very warm parish and I miss going out there regularly. When they were without a priest I was out there about once a month and really enjoyed myself. This morning the music at the 10:30 service was especially wonderful.

One of the things I love about them is that they always welcome Robbie. He is pretty good about sitting up in a pew and listening to the service. As he's getting older he doesn't settle as well as he used to though and I worry more about him being a distraction. He loves it there though and I so enjoy seeing him enjoying being with people. Knowing that his time is limited makes these moment even more precious to me.

The Gospel this morning was the Lord's Prayer and I preached on the petition, "Give us this day our daily bread." As a part of my sermon I talked about Sara Miles' book, Take This Bread. I had read some reviews of this book and some discussion of it over on Father Jake's blog so ordered it. It came this week and I couldn't bear to put it down. It is a powerful story of a woman, left-wing, secular, journalist, gay, who walks into an Episcopal church on a whim, takes communion and is converted. She makes a deep connection between the food she had shared with the poor when she was working as a journalist in Central America, the Eucharist, and sharing food with the poor living in the area around the church. She starts a Food Pantry, which distributes groceries to over 200 people a week at the church. When she starts receiving major money to support the work she starts more Pantries in the neighbourhood. It is an amazing story.

Fr. Jake posted this quotation from the book:

...Service is thanksgiving, because it means not only giving freely, but understanding how greatly we’re loved. I remember an afternoon at the food pantry when I was trying to open up, while an impatient throng of people shouted at me and at each other in three languages. I’d been unloading crates of oranges as fast as I could, and bossing the volunteers around, but we were still behind schedule. We were short a crate of snacks, and the two old Cuban sisters who always show up hours early were out front, bickering noisily. Three hyper little kids were pestering me for candy, and the crazy guy with apocalyptic theories kept trying to corner me and explain the secret messages he’d received. Some visiting minister was standing around, but I couldn’t get a minute to talk to him; new volunteers kept asking me what to do, but somehow nothing was getting done. Everything felt hectic and irritating and on the verge of chaos, and my feet hurt. I was sick of poor people, sick of church people, utterly sick of myself.

And then a woman pushed her way to the front of the crowd. She was Chinese, with a quilted jacket, and she was thrusting a package at me. I couldn’t understand what she was trying to say, but she kept smiling and coming closer. “Here,” she said, and handed me a piece of fish wrapped in waxed paper, still warm. “Food, for you”...

You can see why I couldn't put it down. I made the link between Miles' experience of working at the Pantry with my own experience of feeding students at the college and university. St. Theo's has helped us with that by providing campus care parcels every term. In fact, they provide as many bags as they have people in church - pretty amazing participation.

So it has been a good day and now I'm going to read Descarte's Meditations for Paul's class on theodicy.